There Is No Real Love without Action
Maybe it’s the influence of my years as a couples therapist, maybe it’s that love is simultaneously watered down and hyped so much — I need a simple, basic, show-me approach to love.
The best one I know is this: Love is action, augmented by feelings. “Oh, I am so devoted to my wife.” “Show me. What are you doing that expresses your devotion?” If you aren’t actually doing anything — then, sorry, but I don’t think that your “devotion” amounts to much more than a good opinion about yourself. On the other hand, if you express your devotion by doing your share of the work around the house, by knowing what is important in her every day life and asking her about it, by sitting with her with an open and attentive heart when she needs your company — well then, you are devoted. And hopefully your wife feels your devotion, and both she and you are the better for your devotion.
At the risk of sounding tough and uncompromising, I think it is important that we get clear about what love is and what it isn’t. Why? Because the survival of our marriages, our families, our relationships and, indeed, our nation and our world depends on loving behavior — showing through your actions that you regard the other person’s well-being as equal in importance to your own. Talk is cheap. Feelings come and go. It is loving action that makes a difference. Make room in your heart for the other person’s reality and then translate your open heart’s knowing into action.
