Imagine that you want to make a large and magnificent painting that you are going to call “The Feelings of Love.” You study the pallet of potential colors, because you want the colors of your painting to represent faithfully as many feelings as possible that could be associated with loving your partner.

I’m a word person, not a painter. So instead of colors I’m going to try the assignment with words. Here are some tags (some word colors) I have come up with for different feeling states that I associate with loving your partner. A number of them could apply to loving anyone who is really special to you.

• The glimpse. The feeling of being so close to your beloved that you and that person are nearly one being. This feeling gives a glimpse of transcendence, in the sense that you are lifted out of yourself when you have it.
• The rush. The rush that sweeps you off your feet when you feel absolutely captivated by the person you love. The rush is often very sexually passionate. You want to get to bed with your partner and stay there making love until you have melted into each other.
• The touch. Touches that communicate sweetness, fondness, sympathy, encouragement. A touch on the cheek. A touch on the shoulder. Holding your partner’s face in your hands. Sleeping touching each other.
• The ache. An ache in your heart. It can be so big that it leaves you unsteady on your feet. An ache that you feel when a child that you love is very sick and suffering. A memory ache for someone who is gone from your life that you suddenly remember as if that person were really here and, at the same time, you know that s/he is gone forever.

My list of feeling states that have occurred to me today continues in the next post.

Try this: In the comment space at the end of this post, add to the list with other feeling states that you associate with love and your own tag for each.

Catch the Every Day Love Podcast No. 9 on The Feelings of Love, November 3, 7 PM

“Love“ is such a familiar word, but what does it actually mean? The problem with defining “love” is that the word is used so commonly and for so many different things and conditions that it is very easy to get lost when you want to find the core meaning of “love.”

“Love” is what people declare about their feelings for God, the marinara sauce in a favorite Italian restaurant, their children, the pretty dress seen at the mall and even cold beer on a hot summer day. Is all this really “love”?

In pursuit of  love’s meaning, we need to make a distinction between loving feelings and loving behavior. They mean something different, although neither does well without the other. For now, let’s stick to feelings.

In common usage, love turns out to be lots of feelings, all masquerading as “love” Here are a few examples:

• Dependence: “I love you, baby. I can’t love without you.”
• Sexual passion: “Oh I love you so much!” said during “love“ making.
• Appreciation: “I just love your flower garden.”
• Infatuation: “I’ve met the most wonderful man. I just love him.”
• Receptivity: “Thanks for the invitation. I’d love to go.”

The more feelings and sentiments we call “love,” the less the word means. “Love” as the common name for everything from desire to gratitude is just that — common. “I love touching you.” “I love your apartment.” “I’d love to talk more, but I’ve got to go.” So what?

Most likely this vague, covers-everything, ordinary something is not the love you have in mind when you describe loving your partner, your kids, or a good friend. Okay, tell me about it: What are the real feelings of love that you have when you think about the people that you really care about?