“Love“ is such a familiar word, but what does it actually mean? The problem with defining “love” is that the word is used so commonly and for so many different things and conditions that it is very easy to get lost when you want to find the core meaning of “love.”

“Love” is what people declare about their feelings for God, the marinara sauce in a favorite Italian restaurant, their children, the pretty dress seen at the mall and even cold beer on a hot summer day. Is all this really “love”?

In pursuit of  love’s meaning, we need to make a distinction between loving feelings and loving behavior. They mean something different, although neither does well without the other. For now, let’s stick to feelings.

In common usage, love turns out to be lots of feelings, all masquerading as “love” Here are a few examples:

• Dependence: “I love you, baby. I can’t love without you.”
• Sexual passion: “Oh I love you so much!” said during “love“ making.
• Appreciation: “I just love your flower garden.”
• Infatuation: “I’ve met the most wonderful man. I just love him.”
• Receptivity: “Thanks for the invitation. I’d love to go.”

The more feelings and sentiments we call “love,” the less the word means. “Love” as the common name for everything from desire to gratitude is just that — common. “I love touching you.” “I love your apartment.” “I’d love to talk more, but I’ve got to go.” So what?

Most likely this vague, covers-everything, ordinary something is not the love you have in mind when you describe loving your partner, your kids, or a good friend. Okay, tell me about it: What are the real feelings of love that you have when you think about the people that you really care about?